Scott and I finally secured the place for our wedding.  We’ll be holding the actual wedding ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church in Toronto, or MCCT for short.

MCCT is significant to Scott as it’s the church he went to when he first arrived in Toronto, singing in the choir and being fairly involved.

I would say MCCT is significant to me because I could fully be myself in a church environment.  The first few times I attended, I have to admit I felt quite cold towards anything religious given some other religious institutions don’t really accept anyone who is different.  All that despite the fact that Jesus hung out with only those who where different.  Many religious institutions have gone so rigid in their world view and have forgotten the original message of loving each other for how they are.

Faith-wise, I was always an outcast and in many respects I was reminded of it every day in high school and during parts of elementary school.  I was the non-catholic going to the catholic school.  At one level, it didn’t bother me as it would others – and I actually was allowed to take part in school masses with readings and such – of course I wasn’t out at the time and I certainly wasn’t engaged in learning about the politics of homosexuality and the church.

Of course coming out, and understanding just how homophobic various faith-based institutions are, it just made me hate religion that much more.  By virtue of being a man who happened to be gay, that automatically makes me personal non-grata in a number of different churches and faiths.

And thankfully there are a number of gay-positive and progressive churches that I believe do spread the word and teachings of love and acceptance as they were truly meant to be  – such as the United Church of Canada, Unitarians, and Metropolitan Community Church

Based on some of my reactions at MCC as I worked through some of those feelings, those early experiences most definitely did impact me – a lot, and much deeper than I had actually ever thought.  I am a much better man for having those experiences of acceptance.

“Marriage is an honour I dream not of.” – Romeo and Juliette
Marriage is not something I really considered.  It just wasn’t part of gay vocabulary until 2000.

MCCT has a great Marriage Equality Timeline that describes the journey to the very first marriage between people of the same gender.

In short, there was a lovely loophole in Ontario law that implied that two people – it did not identify gender – could enter into a marriage through the publication of Banns.  Presumably, at the time of the writing, same-sex marriage was never considered either way – as a possibility or that it should not be a possibility.

Enter MCCT in 2000, publishing banns for two couples.  By January 2001, they were considered married under the eyes of MCCT, but there was still somewhat of a legal battle to fight.  By June 2003, “The Ontario Court of Appeal upholds the Superior Court Decision in favour of same-sex marriages and declares the common law definition changed immediately.” (MCCT)

As of June 17, 2003 – Prime Minister Jean Chretien said, “We will not be appealing the recent decision on the definition of marriage. Rather we will be proposing legislation that will protect the right of churches and religious organizations to sanctify marriage as they define it.” (MCCT)

Effectively, same-sex marriage became legal.

MCCT, where Scott and I are getting married, was the site of the very first same-sex weddings in Ontario, in Canada, and in the world.  I consider it a great privilege to be part of that history in 2013 – 10 years after the Federal Government said they would not be appealing the various decision on the definition of marriage in Canada.

Attending our first same-sex wedding
Scott and I attended our very first actual same-sex wedding in June 2001 at MCCT.  Scott had previously attended holy unions, but it was, for both of us, our first same-sex official wedding.  It was kind of a surreal moment because I don’t think a lot of us who attended had ever considered that wedding as in marriage would ever happen.  It was never part of our vocabulary.

Looking back at the time line of same-sex weddings in Canada at that time, I’m not sure how many of us youngens understood what was really going on, and the paradigm shift that was starting in the world.  Rev. Hawkes certainly talked about how important this was, but I know I never truly understood it until reflecting back on this recently.

Thank you Peter and Tom for inviting us to share in your day, and the history of that moment.

Gay marriage?
Yeah, yeah, it should just be ‘marriage’ and probably from this post on, I will be referring to what Scott and I will go through as a wedding and the arrangement as marriage.  There’s nothing specifically gay about it – we just happen to me two men, people of the same sex, in union that happen to be gay, who want to spend the rest of our lives together.