Author Archives: Iain Bennett
The geek side of wedding
It’s all about the e-wedding these days, isn’t it. Or is it?
There can be a bit too much technology – such as entering in “I do” on an Apple ][ as one couple did in the 1980s. And then there’s technology that makes sense. Here are a few tips and tricks Scott and I are using, leveraging technology in our wedding preparations.
- Google Docs
We’re using Google’s Spreadsheet to make sure we both have access to the list of invitees, statistics, to-do list, music list and budgets. We can do so pretty much anywhere if needed – home, work, on the bus to work, in the middle of a shopping mall, when inspiration strikes us.We’re not really using any other parts of Google Docs.Here are some geek tips I’ve been using:- Use formulas such as COUNTIF to count the number of yesses and nos. i.e. =COUNTIF(A1:A5,”Y”) – beware, Google Spreadsheet likes double quotes rather than single quotes.
- Sum to sum up a column of # of attendees. i.e. =SUM(B1:B5)
- Use If to get a count of people likely to attend and not likely to attend. i.e. =IF(G108=”Y”, C108,0) – If cell G108 has “Y” in it, then put the value of C108 in the cell the formula is going in, otherwise put “0”.
- One thing I found with Google Docs that you don’t see in Microsoft Excel is, when adding an additional role above a formula, such as a SUM, the formula often will not include the added row. Beware of that and be sure to check your counts in this case.
- A Label Maker
I’ve never owned a label maker, and despite the fact that I have used Avery labels in a standard printer, putzing around with Microsoft Word to make it work can be a royal pain.We made the smart move to buy a label maker today – a Dymo LabelWriter 450. It’s fast, it doesn’t user toner, and it’s saved me and our guests from trying to decipher my handwriting.
Believe me – my grade 7 teacher made me type a science exam using Sierra Online’s Homeword.It’s Mac compatible, and the software is not bad. Generate your list in a CSV or Excel formatted file, import it in and print directly from the spreadsheet. Easy! - QR Codes?
We decided to add a QR code to our postcard, mainly because we’re geeks, and maybe a bit too geekish. Was it necessary, no, but hey it’s a great discussion point.
The one we added leads to our blog.You could use QR codes in a multitude of different ways. Maybe you want to have a private page that only guests will see? Maybe you want to do a door prize at the reception and the first person to arrive who actually did their homework, wins. - Vistaprint.ca
We would be nowhere today without Vistaprint. Their prices are not bad, you can build your own design almost professionally, and get them printed on all kinds of different types of cardstock. We opted for a matte finish on recyclable paper.
Scott was responsible for the design, with help from our friend Nico. It looks pretty slick! - Social Media
I think there is a fine line between how much people use social media, and I suspect I’m going to learn how much people will get fed up of ‘wedding this, wedding that’. Hey, we’re both big boys and can handle the criticism.
We’re communicating some stuff on Twitter and Facebook such as this entry because someone else may be interested in what we’re doing. On the day of the wedding, you could use Twitter to provide something as mundane as traffic updates as your motorcade makes it’s way through the city, or pictures as it happens!
Blogging your experience is a great way to keep an online record of the lead up to your day, and the happenings on the day of your wedding, whether it’s sharing pictures or thoughts as the day goes on – as if you’ll really have time for that!
Remember, what happens on the net, stays on the net – so beware of what you write. Afterall, the net is not like Vegas. - Web streaming
Something we’re not doing is streaming our wedding online. But if you wanted to, services like UStream are available. You could get cameras such as Logitech’s Broadcaster Wifi Web Cam which might be able to do the trick if you’re on a budget. This is a great way to include others who are remote and can’t attend your day.
Remember, the venue where the service takes place needs to have net access, or you’ll be using a Wifi hotspot from your phone which could be killer in charges. But hey, LTE wireless data networks are fast! - Stuff you should already be using…
… such as Email, Phone, the net, and your phone (land line and/or mobile). Admittedly the caterer seems to have an aversion to calling my cell phone and constantly calls the home number despite me giving him both numbers. So we’ll see what happens there.
If you’re reading this, then I am going to assume your’e savvy enough to use a search engine to find ideas and information. If not, you can get a lot of great ideas online which can be used to help shape your day from clothing, to food, to table settings – you name it.
Sadly, none of these companies are helping to pay our wedding. Maybe they should for the ideas I just gave!
That’s pretty much it for now. Now where’s that bottle of wine?
Our china pattern?
Music… not for a wedding
Sitting yesterday with the church’s wedding co-ordinator, we got talking about music that could be played at various parts of the wedding. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a huge music geek.
Well, I have to admit I kept smiling and laughing in my head. Driving to work this morning, at lunch and even picking up Scott, I let out quite a few loud laughs as I was thinking of songs that are totally unfit for a weeding. Such as:
- Madonna’s “Justify my love” – This is just so wrong, and it’s the #1 song I keep thinking of and laughing out loud about.
- Madonna’s “Live to tell” or “Papa Don’t Preach” – Yeah… NO!
- Tina Turner’s “What’s love got to do with it” – Enough said
- U2’s “Pride (In the name of love)” – Do you really know what this song is really about?
- The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” – A song about stalking? No thanks!
- Depeche Mode “Never let me down again” – Drugs are never good in any relationship.
- Cicero’s “Love is everywhere” – It’s a break up song!
Okay, that’s enough from me! In the meantime, check this video out!
A short history of ‘gay’ weddings
Scott and I finally secured the place for our wedding. We’ll be holding the actual wedding ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church in Toronto, or MCCT for short.
MCCT is significant to Scott as it’s the church he went to when he first arrived in Toronto, singing in the choir and being fairly involved.
I would say MCCT is significant to me because I could fully be myself in a church environment. The first few times I attended, I have to admit I felt quite cold towards anything religious given some other religious institutions don’t really accept anyone who is different. All that despite the fact that Jesus hung out with only those who where different. Many religious institutions have gone so rigid in their world view and have forgotten the original message of loving each other for how they are.
Faith-wise, I was always an outcast and in many respects I was reminded of it every day in high school and during parts of elementary school. I was the non-catholic going to the catholic school. At one level, it didn’t bother me as it would others – and I actually was allowed to take part in school masses with readings and such – of course I wasn’t out at the time and I certainly wasn’t engaged in learning about the politics of homosexuality and the church.
Of course coming out, and understanding just how homophobic various faith-based institutions are, it just made me hate religion that much more. By virtue of being a man who happened to be gay, that automatically makes me personal non-grata in a number of different churches and faiths.
And thankfully there are a number of gay-positive and progressive churches that I believe do spread the word and teachings of love and acceptance as they were truly meant to be – such as the United Church of Canada, Unitarians, and Metropolitan Community Church
Based on some of my reactions at MCC as I worked through some of those feelings, those early experiences most definitely did impact me – a lot, and much deeper than I had actually ever thought. I am a much better man for having those experiences of acceptance.
“Marriage is an honour I dream not of.” – Romeo and Juliette
Marriage is not something I really considered. It just wasn’t part of gay vocabulary until 2000.
MCCT has a great Marriage Equality Timeline that describes the journey to the very first marriage between people of the same gender.
In short, there was a lovely loophole in Ontario law that implied that two people – it did not identify gender – could enter into a marriage through the publication of Banns. Presumably, at the time of the writing, same-sex marriage was never considered either way – as a possibility or that it should not be a possibility.
Enter MCCT in 2000, publishing banns for two couples. By January 2001, they were considered married under the eyes of MCCT, but there was still somewhat of a legal battle to fight. By June 2003, “The Ontario Court of Appeal upholds the Superior Court Decision in favour of same-sex marriages and declares the common law definition changed immediately.” (MCCT)
As of June 17, 2003 – Prime Minister Jean Chretien said, “We will not be appealing the recent decision on the definition of marriage. Rather we will be proposing legislation that will protect the right of churches and religious organizations to sanctify marriage as they define it.” (MCCT)
Effectively, same-sex marriage became legal.
MCCT, where Scott and I are getting married, was the site of the very first same-sex weddings in Ontario, in Canada, and in the world. I consider it a great privilege to be part of that history in 2013 – 10 years after the Federal Government said they would not be appealing the various decision on the definition of marriage in Canada.
Attending our first same-sex wedding
Scott and I attended our very first actual same-sex wedding in June 2001 at MCCT. Scott had previously attended holy unions, but it was, for both of us, our first same-sex official wedding. It was kind of a surreal moment because I don’t think a lot of us who attended had ever considered that wedding as in marriage would ever happen. It was never part of our vocabulary.
Looking back at the time line of same-sex weddings in Canada at that time, I’m not sure how many of us youngens understood what was really going on, and the paradigm shift that was starting in the world. Rev. Hawkes certainly talked about how important this was, but I know I never truly understood it until reflecting back on this recently.
Thank you Peter and Tom for inviting us to share in your day, and the history of that moment.
Gay marriage?
Yeah, yeah, it should just be ‘marriage’ and probably from this post on, I will be referring to what Scott and I will go through as a wedding and the arrangement as marriage. There’s nothing specifically gay about it – we just happen to me two men, people of the same sex, in union that happen to be gay, who want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Proposals
As mentioned in the first post, I proposed to Scott twice.
The first was 9 years ago on Mt. Diablo (wikipedia) in California. I had spent almost three months in the state travelling around, and at that time Scott and I had been together 8 years. I flew Scott out to Sacramento for a week and he travelled with me to Lake Tahoe where I was conducting training for California State Parks, and then we spent Easter Weekend in San Francisco – Scott’s first time there. Special thanks to my friend and, now, co-worker Chris for hosting Scott and I then.
We packed up a lunch and drove out to Mt. Diablo where we had lunch and I took him to the observatory at the top and proposed.
As with life, ups and downs happen and we had to put things on hold.
We had been playing around with ideas such as, “If we get married we could…”; and I had been starting to lean towards getting married in my mind for a few months prior to Christmas. It always seems to happen when I spend lots of time away from Scott – California the first time and then Uruguay & Chicago this second time.
Needless to say, we’ve come a long way as a couple, and based on our traditions, we don’t like to rush things. It took us almost 2 years of dating to move in together when we finally did.
So how did I do it? This time, I’d say properly.
I had mentioned to Scott’s mum, Betty, that I wanted to take her out for a nice lunch. After all, I’ve been in the family for 16 years, and I don’t think she and I have ever done an official Mother-in-law/Son-in-law meal together.
After Christmas, we finally went to a place called “The Clam Bucket” in Port Alberni, BC where Scott grew up. I highly recommend it!
I said to Betty very coyly, “So, Scott and I have been together 16 years, what would you say if we were to get married?” Two thumbs up, the deal was settled between Mother-in-Law and Son-in-Law.
Now to re-ask Scott. What did we do? Went out to do some errands, we went to Dairy Queen for ice cream and then we went down to the Harbour Quay in Port Alberni. I looked around and found a nice long pier in the middle of the harbour. Let’s do it there.
So in the middle of the grey rain at the end of the pier, I proposed 🙂
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- Proposals on a pier
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- The inlet
Ahhhh!
Hi Everyone, Iain here, and welcome to our wedding site.
Some of you have said, “IT’S ABOUT TIME!” and you’re right – it is about time Scott and I did something about our relationship of 16 years as of Toronto Pride 2013. Yeah it’s about time we tied the knot.
Considering the first time I proposed was 9 years ago this April, on top of Mt. Diablo in California.
So why the long wait? There’s no doubt that we were in it for the long haul, but we wanted to make sure we were ready. Two things came to mind
- firstly, there’s that rebellious, “Why do we need to get married?” – Honestly we don’t need to, but in this case we want to.
- I have to admit based on certain previous life events on my side, I wanted to make sure this was the right step for us. I think we’ve both matured over the years as well and we’re truly ready to take this next step in our relationship.
So there you go.
We’ll be sharing our experiences as we put together the wedding plans, our vision and all of that fun stuff.
Stay tuned!